Ooookay, pregnant in my 8th month

Quick post to satisfy all those who want to know how I look now.

This is how I look. Not such a great pic, but I guess you can't miss the gist of things as they are. :D

No, its not really me. I'm acting so different from my normal self, that its only to be expected that I look different too!

And no, for once, I'm not going to write about how bulky and awkward I'm getting, various aches and pains, and all that.... In fact, I didn't just write this either.

Glowing at my baby shower

I don't know if a 'dohaljevan' translates into a baby shower. The concepts are different, though the timings in the pregnancy are same. Anyway.....

What this Dohaljevan (DJ from now on) is, is a way of pampering pregnant women. Relatives invite her over for meals, give gifts, cook her favourite things, and so on, and she ends up having her belly even heavier.

Notorious for my reclusive, anti-religious preferences, the parents had already planned a joint DJ for me, where some close relatives would also attend, thus ridding off many birds with one stone, while keeping the traditions alive.

Needless to say, when it comes to expecting grandparents, things take on a life of their own. Somehow, my mother-in-law got into the conspiracy, and then we ended up hiring a small hall for an informal, family only thing that had bloated to over 30 people.

I surprised myself by having a great time! The absolutely last thing I'd have expected at a traditional thing, pregnant and wearing a sari. I guess there must be some method to the madness - all the affection and food, and meeting so many people and all that really pepped me up. Talk of hormones - I say again, an alien has hijacked my body, and the real me is somewhere else.

Planning Labour and Delivery

I've been thinking of labour and delivery for many days. Not with any fear, just to plan what to expect and make my desires clear to the doctor and things like that. Then why do I say not with fear? Because every pregnancy site seems to talk about this with fear as the main theme. Strange. I thought these guys were trying to reassure people, but that's for another day.

My dilemma was different. I was reading about all these wonderful things to keep in mind - natural birth, freedom of movement, skin to skin contact immediately after birth, breastfeeding, and what not.

This morning, I woke up in a 'what will be will be' space.

Each "maternity home" I spoke with this about seems to have a similar take on things, which is described as "out-dated" on most sites - free to move till birth is imminent, and then on your back with your legs wide you go. They are happy not to feed your kid, but if your milk doesn't seem to be coming down, they 'recommend against' letting the baby go hungry, etc. That kind of stuff.

One thing I can do is educate myself online, make demands on the maternity homes, and overall become a problem patient that takes them out of their zone of practiced efficiency. It has the added bonus of driving me insane trying to figure out details of an experience I'm clueless about.

Without any of those fancy articles to tell me, I can straightaway predict some results from that:

• The staff is going to be distracted by my demands
• The staff is either going to resent being ordered around by an inexperienced patient with a 'know-it-all' complex, or they are going to wonder what their next step will be, all through.
• Its going to add stress to me, knowing that the staff don't have a routine in place for what I want.
• Its going to stress the husband, who's already a certified wimp about me being in pain and force him to keep in mind things and get into arguments in a time when I'd rather he focus on me and the kid and celebrate the moment.
• An unpracticed team is less efficient, and more importantly, I'm not a part of it, so suggestions taking them out of their comfort zone in a high stress time are not exactly going to be welcome - this is not the best 'care' plan for myself.

So now what? I've got this beautiful image of a perfect delivery, which seems to be a little skewed by reality. Even the doctor being pro-natural birth doesn't mean anything in an emergency.  What do I do?

Well..... I follow my rule for dealing with tough situations - I suck it in, and know that I can deal with ANYTHING short-term. Going to the absolute worst-case scenario, where I lie on my back and give birth to a kid I get to hold after being cleaned only. So what? It will hurt - d'uh like it won't in other positions? The kid will fare better - that's a joke, right? I mean its not like doing this one thing will guarantee an awesome life for the kid. Nor is it the only thing I can do to ensure that result.

What I think I need to do is take the stress out of the game for a less painful experience all around. I need to look at what makes me not fear labour.

Its simple. I know it will hurt. I know I want to go natural, so I'm probably going to feel every moment of it. On the other hand, I've have a 'track-history' of living through tough times all my life (haven't died yet). Also, look at the population of the world. Whatever agony there is, its obviously short term, or we wouldn't have people around. Short term I can do.

And then, there is always the option of screaming the place down until they do something for my pain :D

Helps to know I won't be helpless.

Helps to know I will have Raka with me and he is not going to love me any less no matter what choices I make.

Helps to know the doctor has a reputation for being pro-natural birth, and has been known to coach people through tough moments rather than reach for the needle.

So, I will move as I like till someone tells me to get my bottom on the table. So, I will, when the baby is born, if I have the energy left, ask to hold it before they do whatever they have to. I doubt if anyone is going to tell a mother that she can't hold her baby in that moment - this is better than planning a demand. If I don't have the energy, Raka will ask to hold her. If it doesn't happen, so be it.

Just last month, I'd been reading about preemies who weren't held by their parents for weeks after they were born, who are growing up healthy. No matter what, I'll sure hold mine before that much time passes. What's a couple of hours in the greater scheme of things?

The same goes for breastfeeding. Sure, I want to breastfeed my child. Sure I don't want it to get anything other than breast milk for 6 months. However, if my milk is slow in coming down (or whatever their measure of a hungry baby is), they are not going to give my little one anything poisonous with the awesome reputation they have. They do have a reputation for supporting breastfeeding too. The little one and I will suck it up, and work with it in another couple of days when we are home free.

Who knows how the shangrila from the articles translates into practical life? Since all of them seem to agree, it seems to be 'the correct' look at things. Yet, most articles also agree that a woman in her 29th week (or similar) starts thinking about breastfeeding, snoozer pillows and other pregnancy pillows are God's planned way for pregnant women to sleep, etc. This couldn't be farther than the truth - I've been thinking about breastfeeding ever since a friend brought up the subject in my first trimester, tried all kinds of pillows and what works for me is my husband (there's more psychology than ability to relieve discomfort in getting me to crash).  Obviously more a case of lack of originality than the ultimate voice of truth in these sites.

Sure, to some extent, we get suckered into the whole unconscious set up. For example, I AM writing this blog (like the pregnancy sites recommend - though they probably do it to get free content and traffic for their site), I am writing this post in my 30th week of pregnancy, I did speak of fear related to labour, even though I don't feel it.... somewhere, too much exposure to these unconscious patterns sucks us into the scene.

Anyway, this skepticism of mine extends to those perfect labours as well. The information is all good, but when there is a mismatch between imagination and reality, I'm not going to stress over how to make reality match imagination, but simply go with the flow, and ask for what I need where possible, and see where it takes me.

Hearing Progress?

I've completed my 29th week of pregnancy now. Each passing week makes me feel like I've achieved something major for the baby, though the fact is, I'm doing nothing new.

I am noticing some patterns in the baby's responses.

• When I first started feeling the movements, they were pretty much random, and I could feel them only when I was absolutely quiet - mostly lying down to sleep.
• Then, they slowly became more frequent, and I could feel them more clearly unless I was physically active.
• Then I noticed that they happened when I played certain kinds of music.
• Then I noticed that they started happening when Raka (my husband) stopped speaking or left the room.
• Around the last week or so, we noticed that loud sounds resulted in kicks, particularly sounds like a cheering audience, etc.
• Last night, we realized that there are also responses to changes in tone. For example, kicks can quieten down with my voice or Raka's or when I hear some humorous narrations at night (every night) as I sleep and just as the narration is concluding, the baby starts kicking. Don't know what it understands, but the timing is exactly as P L Deshpande starts wrapping up the session and his tone changes, while it is still with very few and soft movements while its on. Sometimes I think this kid is going to be born thinking of P L Deshpande's voice as that of a family member. :D

Am I noticing some development in my little one's ability to hear, or am I just "wishful thinking" myself into seeing these things?

On a positive side, the medicines the doctor gave me (vitamins) seem to be helping. My stomach discomfort is slightly less. I haven't really made any changes in my diet of nightly feet elevation, but I'd used dukh-daba-vlep (which is kind of like an ayurvedic painkilling/swelling reducing plaster) some 3 days ago. Don't know if its the vitamins or the plaster, but this morning my foot looked almost completely normal. No swelling, just a vague, look of having been swollen earlier. So I am quite relieved.

BTW, while I didn't do it this time, I had earlier noticed that eating bananas helps get swelling down. Something to do with the potassium in them helping the sodium get balanced or something. So, if you're struggling with swelling, it may be worthwhile to give eating bananas before sleeping (or even at other times) a shot.

Miracles can happen

Oh, the big worry on my mind about which maternity home to choose got miraculously resolved today, when I went for a third appointment with the "busy one".

True to form, I met yet another doctor (I haven't had two appointments with any doctor there yet - each time its a new one). Disappointed, but resigned to this phenomenon, I went through the checkup. I asked my concerns, which are considerable at this point, since I've really bee thirsting for a good, reassuring conversation with a competent doctor.

Miracle of miracles, the doctor actually listened and patiently answered all my queries. What's more, the main doctor, whom I'd met in my first meeting met me briefly after the consultation to address any further concerns I may have. I almost felt like pinching myself.

• Turns out, the back pain I get is a fact of life only curable by delivery. They can prescribe painkillers if I can't bear it, but they recommend against the use. She made several suggestions regarding sleeping positions.
• The pelvic pain and the pain in the lower left side of the stomach that appears while turning sides in bed, standing on one foot to get dressed and other movements is another fact of life which is quite common in pregnancy. They gave me some vitamin stuff to help the pain resolve, though there were no guarantees, and like the other pain, they said that painkillers were not a good idea.
• My swelling feet is another fact of life, and the most I could do was keep them elevated, massage, drink lots of water, cut down on salt, etc. As long as my blood pressure was not spiking, it was all good and normal.
• Sleepless nights were yet another fact of life (which I kinda knew). A suggestion to have a warm bath just before bed helps.

Needless to say, I'm feeling much better about the medical situation now. Pain is not an issue, so much as having someone take a look at it and reassure me that there is no mysterious crisis looming is. Pain I can bear. No issue at all.

Thus, I now know that bad as my symptoms seem, they are all normal side effects of pregnancy. Great!

On a different note, the baby now seems to recognize excited noises - cheering of the audience at a match on TV, laughter from an audience at some show... If I react the slightest to it, there is a storm of kicking, as though it is joining in whatever the celebration is.

My kid after all, doesn't matter what the celebration is - happy to celebrate.

Which gynaec to choose?

Today has been a frustrating day indeed. I'm worried about my gynaecologist. Still haven't found anyone satisfactory, though I am going for check ups with one. There are three possibilities:

1. The busy one: She has a good reputation and all that, but is too busy, and getting an appointment is not possible.
2. The so-so one: She's the nearest to my home, but seems rather incompetent at times and not particularly interested in any symptoms I have.
3. The good one: Of the lot, she seems the best, but she's an hours drive away from where we live, though my parents live near by. She's not perfect, but much better than the other two in terms of interest in patient's experience, symptoms and concerns; as well as possibility for appointments for which she may be late, but its far better than being the last in whatever queue exists on arrival, regardless of appointment, as it is with 'the busy one'.

All in all, for a fabulous country, the maternity facilities seriously suck for all the expense they are.

Irritated with the husband

I know it gets quite annoying for him that I ask for a massage everyday, but really, at least its not 24 hours, like the aches I get.

He usually does it for a minute or two, and just as I start to relax, stops claiming that his hands are tired. Other times, he just refuses, claiming to be tired. I'm so frustrated I could cry! Its not like I have the option to be too tired to ache :(

What wouldn't I give to get a generous 15 minute pregnancy massage like the online videos show...