Hearing Progress?

I've completed my 29th week of pregnancy now. Each passing week makes me feel like I've achieved something major for the baby, though the fact is, I'm doing nothing new.

I am noticing some patterns in the baby's responses.

• When I first started feeling the movements, they were pretty much random, and I could feel them only when I was absolutely quiet - mostly lying down to sleep.
• Then, they slowly became more frequent, and I could feel them more clearly unless I was physically active.
• Then I noticed that they happened when I played certain kinds of music.
• Then I noticed that they started happening when Raka (my husband) stopped speaking or left the room.
• Around the last week or so, we noticed that loud sounds resulted in kicks, particularly sounds like a cheering audience, etc.
• Last night, we realized that there are also responses to changes in tone. For example, kicks can quieten down with my voice or Raka's or when I hear some humorous narrations at night (every night) as I sleep and just as the narration is concluding, the baby starts kicking. Don't know what it understands, but the timing is exactly as P L Deshpande starts wrapping up the session and his tone changes, while it is still with very few and soft movements while its on. Sometimes I think this kid is going to be born thinking of P L Deshpande's voice as that of a family member. :D

Am I noticing some development in my little one's ability to hear, or am I just "wishful thinking" myself into seeing these things?

On a positive side, the medicines the doctor gave me (vitamins) seem to be helping. My stomach discomfort is slightly less. I haven't really made any changes in my diet of nightly feet elevation, but I'd used dukh-daba-vlep (which is kind of like an ayurvedic painkilling/swelling reducing plaster) some 3 days ago. Don't know if its the vitamins or the plaster, but this morning my foot looked almost completely normal. No swelling, just a vague, look of having been swollen earlier. So I am quite relieved.

BTW, while I didn't do it this time, I had earlier noticed that eating bananas helps get swelling down. Something to do with the potassium in them helping the sodium get balanced or something. So, if you're struggling with swelling, it may be worthwhile to give eating bananas before sleeping (or even at other times) a shot.

Miracles can happen

Oh, the big worry on my mind about which maternity home to choose got miraculously resolved today, when I went for a third appointment with the "busy one".

True to form, I met yet another doctor (I haven't had two appointments with any doctor there yet - each time its a new one). Disappointed, but resigned to this phenomenon, I went through the checkup. I asked my concerns, which are considerable at this point, since I've really bee thirsting for a good, reassuring conversation with a competent doctor.

Miracle of miracles, the doctor actually listened and patiently answered all my queries. What's more, the main doctor, whom I'd met in my first meeting met me briefly after the consultation to address any further concerns I may have. I almost felt like pinching myself.

• Turns out, the back pain I get is a fact of life only curable by delivery. They can prescribe painkillers if I can't bear it, but they recommend against the use. She made several suggestions regarding sleeping positions.
• The pelvic pain and the pain in the lower left side of the stomach that appears while turning sides in bed, standing on one foot to get dressed and other movements is another fact of life which is quite common in pregnancy. They gave me some vitamin stuff to help the pain resolve, though there were no guarantees, and like the other pain, they said that painkillers were not a good idea.
• My swelling feet is another fact of life, and the most I could do was keep them elevated, massage, drink lots of water, cut down on salt, etc. As long as my blood pressure was not spiking, it was all good and normal.
• Sleepless nights were yet another fact of life (which I kinda knew). A suggestion to have a warm bath just before bed helps.

Needless to say, I'm feeling much better about the medical situation now. Pain is not an issue, so much as having someone take a look at it and reassure me that there is no mysterious crisis looming is. Pain I can bear. No issue at all.

Thus, I now know that bad as my symptoms seem, they are all normal side effects of pregnancy. Great!

On a different note, the baby now seems to recognize excited noises - cheering of the audience at a match on TV, laughter from an audience at some show... If I react the slightest to it, there is a storm of kicking, as though it is joining in whatever the celebration is.

My kid after all, doesn't matter what the celebration is - happy to celebrate.

Which gynaec to choose?

Today has been a frustrating day indeed. I'm worried about my gynaecologist. Still haven't found anyone satisfactory, though I am going for check ups with one. There are three possibilities:

1. The busy one: She has a good reputation and all that, but is too busy, and getting an appointment is not possible.
2. The so-so one: She's the nearest to my home, but seems rather incompetent at times and not particularly interested in any symptoms I have.
3. The good one: Of the lot, she seems the best, but she's an hours drive away from where we live, though my parents live near by. She's not perfect, but much better than the other two in terms of interest in patient's experience, symptoms and concerns; as well as possibility for appointments for which she may be late, but its far better than being the last in whatever queue exists on arrival, regardless of appointment, as it is with 'the busy one'.

All in all, for a fabulous country, the maternity facilities seriously suck for all the expense they are.

Irritated with the husband

I know it gets quite annoying for him that I ask for a massage everyday, but really, at least its not 24 hours, like the aches I get.

He usually does it for a minute or two, and just as I start to relax, stops claiming that his hands are tired. Other times, he just refuses, claiming to be tired. I'm so frustrated I could cry! Its not like I have the option to be too tired to ache :(

What wouldn't I give to get a generous 15 minute pregnancy massage like the online videos show...

It IS quickening

I'd felt the baby move very lightly on two earlier occasions in my 15th week and then my 17th week, but was not really sure what it was.

I've figured it out. Since the last time, I've felt it on several occasions, mostly when I was lying down quietly. It is a verrrrry light touch that I can feel, and yes, I'm ticklish. Sometimes it can happen when I sit in one place for a long time, like in a meeting when I suddenly squirm from the tickle.

It is the baby moving. I guess it isn't strong enough for me to feel it very well yet, but if my body is really quiet and settled, I can sometimes feel it, which is what is happening.

How did I feel it so early? No clue. Perhaps it just jumped very strongly when I was already very still and almost asleep, so I felt it. Perhaps, with my constant anxiety that something may happen to the baby, I'm constantly focused on it, so I noticed it.... whatever, I felt it briefly, and I didn't feel it for almost two weeks after that till I started feeling it more reliably.

Now, its really quite funny, because I am certain of what I'm feeling, but this tickling can drive me nuts.

Rubbing my tummy helps though, and ticklish as I may be, I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Felt it again

Is it the baby?

More than two weeks ago, I'd felt a touch/tickle kind of thing in my lower stomach. I'd been waiting on and off to feel something like that again, but it didn't happen. Last night, it happened again. Twice.

Pretty much like the last time. That touch/tickle feeling just as I was about to sleep. It could be gas though. It felt like there was a bubble racing under my skin very briefly. I've never had gas feel like that before, but it did feel like a bubble. I waited for a long time (okay, maybe 10 minutes) and felt it again. Then I waited for a long time and nothing.

Woke up my husband, and he was a little more interested this time (probably a result of my constant sharing of information on this front since the last time). Maybe he knew how much I was looking forward to feeling my baby move, so whether he had answers or not, he was willing to listen to me wonder about it. Eventually he convinced me to come into his arms and wait like that, and I conked off.

I'm notoriously difficult to fall asleep as long as there is anything happening even when I'm not pregnant, and the husband is quite skilled at getting me to sleep. He calls it practice for when the baby is here ;)

I'm still not in my fifth month yet. However, I'm in my 17th week (16 weeks, 2 days), which is the early side of when most online resources say I can feel quickening.

Could it be the baby? How long till I know for sure?

Is it the baby?

Last night, as I was just about to fall asleep, I felt a touch/tickle in my lower stomach. Not gas. I woke up straight away. Was it the baby? Was it not the baby?

Woke up my husband. Told him. He was drowsy, but heard me out and pointed out that if it was the baby, then that ends a lot of my worries about it.

I continued to speculate, and he got a little grumpy. He wanted me to SLEEP! He said, there was no way he would know, since he hadn't felt it, and wondering was not going to bring answers, while sleep was important for me.

I shut up, and let him drift off again. I waited for a long time, but no more touch/tickle happened. At some point, I guess I fell asleep.

This morning, I called up a couple of people who had been pregnant recently to find out when they first felt the baby. All of them said in the fifth month. Great! I'm in my fourth. So was it the baby? No clue.

Read up online. Many second time moms felt movement early, but I was a first time mom. Plus there were plenty of people claiming to feel movement as early as 6 weeks, which didn't really make sense, so there was no way of knowing who was truly speaking of quickening (yeah, that's what its called) and who was not. From the sound of it, most first time moms were in the same boat as me.

Finally, I reached the conclusion that there was no way of knowing what exactly what I felt was. Great! Another point to the husband. What he figured out with his earthy logic within 30 seconds, I researched and found out in a whole day.

We still don't know if it is the baby. I still haven't felt anything similar to what I felt last night.

BTW, I'm now officially growing a bump. I seemed to have one for a long time now, as I started growing out of clothes almost with the HPT changing colour, but most of it was gas and bloating. Now, well, I'm not as gassy and the stomach is actually larger. I still fit into the loosest of my earlier clothes, but most of them are out of action for six months or more (IF I ever get back to my 26" waist and use those expensive trousers that I've never worn.....)

Full onslaught of hormones

A friend offered a shoulder to cry on whenever I needed it, and look how thoroughly I used it today.

Heh, remember, you've asked for it :D

Ok here goes - bitching-and-whining list first:

1. Nausea is the greatest evil of mankind. The pregnancy glow is a hoax to sucker women into propagating the race
2. Life is reduced to bodily functions - sleep, piss, eat, cry, puke, piss, want to puke, cry, sleep, piss, sleep, puke, etc Did I mention sleep?
3. Having more than one child is a symptom of a liking for torture. Possible indication of insanity. Shrink before doc.
4. Everybody and his cousin knows what's good for you till you want to scream or kill someone
5. Desirable pregnant women are a myth or a symptom of delusions in my husband. If it pukes, bloats, farts and yawns every time approached, porn star boobs don't matter - it isn't a sexual creature
6. Some women apparently breeze through their pregnancies glowing and all that - don't trust them. It can't be natural.
   
7. People just don't understand that I am pregnant, not terminally ill, nor mentally deficient.'
8. Unmarried male friends get speechless with the news. Since women all over the world have been getting pregnant all the time, I'm not looking too closely at the surprise about ME being pregnant. It doesn't seem likely to translate into a compliment no matter how it unrolls.
9. I can feel something almost like sore muscles when I bend, stretch or sit hunched for a long time. Doesn't feel like a charming baby. Feels like something is inside that wasn't
10. people only understand cliched basketball stomachs as pregnant. The bigger the more believable. No one knows how much blood sweat and tears gets us there or cares how that impressive basket ball becomes a person - this definitely seems to be a case of size matters - bigger or smaller depending on whether you are watching or growing.
    

Blessings:

• I seem to be forgetting stuff these days, so hopefully, this experience is not going to return as nightmares, since I will forget it.
• Porn star boobs. Gone up a size already. Stomach is jealous and competing, so it isn't as awesome as it could have been. Still, I intend to enjoy it before the stomach wins.
  
• Husband and assorted friends will take a lot more crap from me than earlier.
• I get a kid at the end of all this.  - Don't know if I will call it a blessing in the future, so might as well take this chance

Milestones:

• Puked last week. After thinking of it for weeks, It happened. It seems to be like losing virginity - now that I've done it, it happens more easily and often
• Saw the heartbeat on ultrasound. Pure magic, though it did sound like a dog panting "sh...sh" very fast rather than any heartbeat I've ever heart. However, it sounded, it was there. Things are okay. All tests and measurements are as should be :)
• Doc put me on progesterone to prevent miscarriage (no issue now, but earlier miscarriage, so playing safe) progesterone is exactly how it sounds - a hormone. Guess what hormones do to pregnant women? Nausea, fatigue, crying, etc. Yippie! This is definitely not helping stabilize my usually whimsical and recently mercurial nature. If I wasn't convinced that the doctor cared deeply about this so far conceptual and statistical baby, I'd have happily put her first on my slaughter list.
  
• Officially declared my mind on vacation - I just don't recognize myself anymore. Never used to sleep in the afternoons, never was fussy about food, never was the tantrum variety. This alien in my body is, which is how I found out its not me
• No. I don't feel pregnant or maternal or any such thing. What I am feeling is mostly pissed which isn't even particularly feminine. The baby is still mostly hypothetical as far as my experience goes. The tests say it exists. My experience says nausea and the rest of the nasties exist, but there isn't anything remotely babylike that I can feel so far, unless you want to stretch imagination desperately and include the tightness in my stomach.
  
• Saw the mess in my cupboards. Considering how I wear long tops these days because my jeans are unbuttoned underneath, thought I'd pack away everything that doesn't fit. This meant that I packed away three formal trousers and some other clothes I'd never worn even once - its anyone's guess If I'll get into 26 inch waists ever again. Quite traumatic. NONE of my favourites fit. Naturally, I cried myself to exhaustion, leaving the puzzled husband with a cranky and sleepy wife, and a pile of clothes on the floor he dared not make a decision about for fear of upsetting me further.
• Other such incidents including sulking at the brother-in-law and then crying about his insensitivity because he joked that I gave him the cup with less tea in it and kept more for myself. He has since then avoiced me like the plague and speaks only when necessary, and VERY carefully. Don't know if he is being considerate or if I've finally managed to put him off women for good. For that matter don't know if that considerate is to protect his fragile feelings or mine.
  
• Felt left out because I hadn't spoken with people at work for over 4 days - didn't they think I was capable of working anymore?
  

If I am not careful, this alien that has shanghaied my body is going to ruin my well developed image of being a somewhat rational person sometimes.

This summarizes my existence. Believe me, if this is entertaining, it is a tribute to my phenomenal talent with language, and not the experience itself.

Phew, feels much lighter having shared all this. Wicked of me, but my choice of sharing this with you is because of your inexperience with pregnancy. At least you can't tell me that this is how it is for everyone and make soothing noises about how all women go through it, etc. I expect you to be fully indignant and appropriately sympathetic as required, because you don't know what's usual and can still get in touch with the shock of how something like this can impact the unsuspecting and unwary innocents like ourselves.

Vidyut

Felt much better after having written this. :D

Discovering exhaustion

I've been really out of things since the programme on the 31st. I barely got home and crashed. I slept through most of the next day, waking up feeling like I'd slogged for a full day, and crashing immediately after meals to sleep till the next hunger pangs.

Yesterday wasn't much better. I woke up barely in time to get ready and go to the doctor, at which point I was feeling fine. But the stressful experience tuckered me out completely, and I came back and slept. Woke up, ate slept. And so on.

Today, I'm sitting at the computer as I drink my morning tea, yawning already.

No points for guessing that I'm still tired from the 31st and recovering, but this is all very worrisome for me. I'm usually high energy, and sleeping in the day is an alien concept. Now, I barely wake up. Two hours, and I'm back horizontal.

Oh, the joys of pregnancy!

Told my colleagues at work

I am 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

We had been planning for  big training programme for a client on the 31st, at Resonate Consulting, where I work part time. It was a big thing, and all of us would be involved.

Concerned about what my pregnancy would mean to all this, I shared the news with everyone. It was the best decision I have made about the pregnancy so far. Everyone was supportive, and my responsibilities were immediately lightened to care for my changing energy levels.

The thing is, ever since I got the positive pregnancy test, my body seems to have figured out early pregnancy symptoms all on its own. I now feel nauseated, tired, sleepy, moody, and what not all of a sudden. I wonder if many of these symptoms are psychological, or if my hormones decided to fly about the same time as I discovered the pregnancy.

On some miserable level, its reassuring. The last pregnancy that I miscarried, I didn't have any symptoms at all, and then I miscarried. Perhaps the hormones were not enough? This time, all the symptoms made it feel more real and durable, miserable as they made me feel.

All the pampering at home and work feels good. I need loads of love and good wishes and I'm getting them. Good.